Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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