Cold hands, warm shart.
she looked like the before picture.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
