life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
