im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
