angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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