she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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