ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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