i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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