why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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