i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
