I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
