if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
