I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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