She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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