even my farts smell like vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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