god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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