You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
