I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
