I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
