too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
