She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
