Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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