When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
