Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
