Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
