His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
