The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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