Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
