You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
