Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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