Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize