the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I understand Curling. That high.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
