I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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