Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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