; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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