We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
