Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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