I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
