dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
