It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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