I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
