She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
