her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
