you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
