Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
