If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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