so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
