so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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