Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
