Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
