Quick, to the slutcave!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
