just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just had sex bonerless
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
