i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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