I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize