hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
