no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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