have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize