note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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