Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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