I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
