would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
