The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
