You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
