Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
