I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize