Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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