who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
