Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
